Discouraged

Wow, this has been a difficult morning. Doubt has crept in. I know I have only recently begun posting about my personal life and my desire to come home full-time, but it has been my prayer for at least two years now. A couple of years ago, my cousin Cantina told me she felt like the Lord was urging her to speak to me about homeschooling. She asked if I would "just pray about it." Quite honestly, I had never thought about it before. I just assumed we would send our kids to "regular" school. But, I said I would and so I did. And the more I prayed the more I felt like this is in fact what God would have me to do. So then, I began to pray for a way for God to bring me home full-time so that I could homeschool my children. I am currently homeschooling Ella in kindergarten and she will begin first grade this fall. God has opened up doors at work that allow me to work part-time doing a job I love. But I feel this ever increasing burden to be home full-time.

So, I have sensed God's telling me this is going to happen and I just need to wait on him. I see other people's prayers getting answered, but what about me? Others I know haven't been praying for this as long as I have yet their prayers have already been answered. Have I misunderstood God? I have prayed for wisdom. I felt as if God had confirmed His plan over and over. Doubt. An ugly word. What does God have to say about that? Well, in James 1:6-8 He says, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

So, this morning I got on my face and cried out to Him to either confirm (yet again) what He has been telling me or change my heart. Well, ask and you shall receive.
According to James 1:3-4, "...the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Psalm 27:13-14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Isaiah 33:6 "He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure."
Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
To top it off, In Touch with Charles Stanley this morning subject: waiting on God.

What a truly amazing God! So patient with His children. Me? Wouldn't I have told mine by now "How many times do I have to tell you?" But not God. He just opens up His word to me and speaks to me and encourages me over and over. How I wish I were so patient and encouraging to my own children. He is the perfect example. And the perfect, loving Father. Thank you, God, for loving me more than I can even fathom. Thank you for encouraging me day after day. Thank you for your living Word. Thank you for your Holy Spirit that lives in me and speaks to my own spirit. Thank you for quieting me with your love.

I don't know if anyone really reads this blog or not, but it's good for me to get this out. I want it to serve as a testimony to God's work in my life. That when all of this comes to pass, it will be clear that only He deserves the glory. I hope that it will serve as an encouragement to others that only God and your relationship with Him is all that really matters.

Now, time to go decorate my oldest blessing's 6th birthday cake! Post to come tomorrow!