Well, this will not be my typical blog entry. You will also notice a change in the blog title. God is doing a fresh work in my life and just yesterday gave me a great revelation. This will probably be a long entry but I want you to understand things.
I have had this dream of opening up my own little "business" of making and decorating cakes for a while with the end result being my coming home to be a stay-at-home / homeschooling mom. I could not foresee how to be at home without supplementing my existing income even if we made lifestyle changes. So, two days ago I contacted the Lowndes County Department of Public Health to see what I needed to do in order to make things happen. Much to my disappointment, I found it would be far more of an investment than I ever wanted to make. So, I began to pout. "I'll never get to come home."
I kept telling God I just didn't understand. There is no doubt that He is calling me home. Why is He not allowing my plans to work? My husband began to pray. Close friends also lifted me up as I slumped into discouragment. I attempted to take a nap but couldn't. Still my heart questioning God. As the hours passed, God spoke softly and tenderly to my heart. He gave me a revelation.
The conversation went a little something like this...
God: "Is your dream to stay home and serve your family or to own a cake business?"
Me: "To stay home with my family."
God: "Are you sure?"
God: "Then why are you pouting? I am not sensing you being grateful for what you have. I don't see contentment."
Me: "I'm pouting because how else am I going to stay home if I don't supplement my income somehow?"
God: "Oh, so you are saying I'm not big enough to handle that?"
Me: "No, I'm not saying that. I just don't see how it's going to happen."
God: "So you're saying I'm not big enough to handle that?"
Me: becoming ashamed...also began reading about opening at home cake business and realizing from person after person that there is so much more to it than baking and decorating a cake....
God: "If you are so consumed in running a business, does it really matter if you are at home? Will you be able to still have the time to teach and mold your little girls? Will you have time to make your home a sanctuary for your family? What will be left for your husband at the end of the day? So, will you really be accomplishing your 'dream'? Furthermore, who gets the glory for your 'success'? If you go home because you made something happen to accomplish your goal, you get the glory. When you go home because I have provided the means, I will get the glory. Are you living for your own glory...or Mine? Would you rather be home baking, decorating, and stressed or would you rather be home loving and serving your family?"
First of all, thanks be to God for speaking to my heart...for allowing me to hear....for removing the blinding scales from my eyes...for giving me hope and peace....for being concerned about my little world when there are so many bigger things happening in this big world. It's quite humbling. I am overwhelmed by His unfathomable love.
Second, I am excited to see what He is going to do. I passed by a church who's marquee said "do not sacrifice the future on the alter of the immediate." If I do things my way, I more than likely will be sacrificing the great blessings He has in store for me by forcing my plans which will be less than what I "dreamed."
Third, I do enjoy decorating cakes. So, I still plan to do that for my friends and family. But now I will enjoy it more. No pressure to make it so great others will want to "use" me. It really can be just fun now.
Fourth, my friend Dana pointed out that even the Proverbs 31 woman worked and had a craft to support the family. I am interested to see what God is going to develop in me. I very much want to learn to sew, paint, etc...now I can diversify my artistic side with things that aren't so regulated.
God has been doing this fresh work in me for a few months now. Speaking to me through His word, through music, and other Godly people. Just the other day on my way to the hospital He spoke to me through a song by Avalon ... You were there. He was there when Abraham was about to sacrifice Isaac and He provided the lamb at just the right time. I was weeping in my car...cried my make-up off even before my day began. The same God who came through in mighty ways thousands of years ago is the same God who comes through for me each and every day. He loved me enough to die for me....to save me from myself. He loves me today and will love me tomorrow. He is here...holding me in His arms...surrounding me with His love.
So I am excited to give up my "dream" to follow His lead....