So Discouraged...

Isn't is crazy that you can go from posting about answered prayers to being so discouraged in such a short amount of time?  My last post updated about how God was answering our prayers so specifically and now I am asking myself if I really ever even heard from Him.  They say when it rains, it pours...let me explain...

First of all, our buyers were in such a great rush to get closed on our house...gotta hurry and get this done.  Then we noticed a slowing down of the process.  We finally discovered it was on his lending agents end with a failure to order the appraisal in a timely fashion, etc, so finally it gets done.  Well, guess what...the appraisal was not completely kosher for several reasons, and did not appraise for our asking price.  Well, the buyer had offered to pay closing costs and had bundled that into the amount he was going to mortgage.  When this happened, he said he could only do what the house appraised for.  So, Charles decided that it was really okay because there are some things that need to be done to the house and overall we would be saving so much by moving (gas cost, hazard insurance on the house, etc) that it was ok.  Let's move forward.  Well, I felt like I had been punched in the gut with the amount of a loss we were taking, but ok, whatever, let's move forward.

Next, we were told it was only a matter of days once the appraisal was received that all should be wrapped up and we could close.  Apparently not.  It is as if all progress has come to a complete halt.  Why?  I don't know.  We tried to contact the lender and she had a cow, so our buyer insisted we only contact him for questions.  Well, guess what.  Now he won't return our phone calls.  Guess what else.  Our contract on the house in Prattville runs out in two days and the listing agent does not want to give us an extension.  Why?  She does not believe in for sale by owner transactions saying they almost never make it to the closing table and she has a point to prove.  Can you feel my stress?

Allow me to continue.  My van is in the shop.  Gonna cost over $500 to fix.  Our upstairs air conditioner broke.  Thankfully, that was only $150 but the culprit was a spider.  Yes, a spider.  I have never seen a spider worth $150.  And the one thing that really matters is that my Nanny (my Dad's mom....who I am very close with) is not doing very well health wise.  The doctor told my uncle today that they need to find someone to stay with her 24/7. 

Big sigh.

I want to wallow and whine (which I know that sounds like what I have been doing) but then I am reminded that this is not a storm.  A storm would be your child having cancer or your husband being in a car wreck and becoming paralyzed.  This is just a trial.  It is all about perspective.  Things could be worse.  Some of my most precious friends and family have reminded me to "Count it all joy when we face trials of many kinds" and that this is what life on earth consists of is hardships and that is one reason we can look forward to Heaven.  And even though Charles is just as stressed as I am, he even said this morning that Ella and Leah never wonder if we are going to provide them their next meal or will keep a roof over their heads, they just trust us to.  And didn't God say that with us being humans and we give good gifts to our children how much more will He give to us...yet we worry.  There is a southern gospel song that says "my God's been in time, on time, every time for me."  I try to keep singing that to myself.  Also that He can move mountains.

I guess the scariest thing for me right now is that I am questioning whether I missed Him.  This has all been covered in much prayer and now it seems to be falling apart.  I just can't seem to understand and I feel so discouraged.  Things were moving along so rapidly at first, half of my house is packed in boxes.  How sad to have to unpack them.  I really thought this was part of the way that God was going to use to bring me home and now I question whether I have misunderstood Him on that point as well.

All of this sob story to say, please keep us in your prayers.  Please pray that we will not lose heart and that we will just trust in whatever it is that God is doing in our lives.  Pray that we will grow in our faith and trust in Him and that we will endure all the while giving Him glory.  I am reminded of the movie Facing the Giants when he said "we are gonna praise Him when we win, and we will praise Him when we lose."  I know that I exist to bring honor and glory to the Father.  It is my response in this trial that will matter.  He does not exist for me, I exist for Him.  I just want to understand.  Or at least to have a sense of peace and not anxiety.  Again, we covet your prayers.