Ashamed

I am quite excited, yet completely overwhelmed.  I got the call today that we will do a double closing on our house(s) on Tuesday.  But more than anything right now, I am ashamed.  I was so discouraged because we are coming upon the expiration of our contract within days and it just didn't seem like things were going to go through.  I was so discouraged because I just could not reconcile what I was so certain that I had heard from the Lord.  I was angry with alot of people for what I felt was a lack of diligence but I was also angry with God.  Why was He not listening to my prayers?  Why would He let us come this far and waste two months of our lives and several hundred dollars just to have it all fall apart?  This entire process has been so prayerful...why had He brought us this far just to watch us fall?  We are leaving for a Disney Cruise on Wednesday and I've just prayed that all would be settled before we left (the contract would expire while we were gone).  But, for that to happen, we HAD to have word today.  The mortgage lender for the man buying our house has been awful so I had no doubt that she would allow today to pass without sending us word.  Finally, at 3:00pm we got the go ahead.  The first thing I did was cry.  I committed the same sin as Eve....the first sin that entered the world...I doubted God.  Just like she doubted God's goodness to her, I doubted His goodness to me.  Talk about ashamed.  Oh..."ye of little faith."  So many lessons learned.  Quite a growth experience in this valley.  I have alot of praying to do...alot of forgiveness to ask for...alot of praise to send up.  Once I have a chance...and who knows when that will be, I will have to have an entry about lessons learned.  But, I have openly expressed my discouragement and now I must confess my sin.  Yet again, my God has been so very good and so very faithful to me...even though I am not.  I am so thankful for His lovingkindness...His forgiveness....His faithfulness...His love.....His mercy.....His grace.  It is so undeserved.  Thank you, Father!